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"Glorious!" the Templar intoned, brandishing his spear.

"You've said that five times in the last hour," the female Wizard muttered. "I do not think it means what you think that it means."

"Look at that monstrous creature!" The Templar charged into the thick of the fight against the elite monsters. He engaged the weakest of them, while the rest of them all charged at the Wizard.

"Oh, bugger," the Wizard said, executing the complex battlefield maneuver known as Frost Nova + Force Wave + Run Like Hell, heading back towards the nearest chokepoint on the stairs. "Templar? TEMPLAR! A bit of help here!"

Distant grunts echoed across the battlefield.

Five minutes later, after a certain amount of kiting enemies behind her and blasting them before running away again, the Wizard pulled herself out from under a pile of corpses, mainlining healing potions.

"A worthy opponent!" the Templar cried, prancing around nearby. "Come, let us seek out evil and cleanse it!"

"You don't think that just for a change you could do the fighting while I stand round and declaim?" the Wizard suggested, fairly certain that he wasn't listening.

"The light of justice shall cleanse this cesspool!"

"No, I didn't think so."

They began to advance again.

"Look at that monstrous creature!" the Templar declared, pointing at the new oncoming group of elite monsters.

The Wizard made a suggestion.

"But where would I get the butter?" the Templar asked, looking puzzled. "And how would this serve to defeat our opponents?"

"Never mind," the Wizard sighed. "I think your next phrase is 'Glorious'!"

"Glorious!" the Templar shouted, charging into battle.

-- (while the Templar is the most useful companion for me in Diablo 3, he does have his annoying moments...)
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While this does contain a whole lot of swear words
it is very amusing.

Monkey King: Myths Retold

YOU SHOULD RUN FOR OFFICE
THE OFFICE OF “GREATEST SAGE EVER”
WE ARE NOT SURE THAT IS AN OFFICE
BECAUSE WE ARE ONLY MONKEYS
AND FRANKLY, EVEN OUR ABILITY TO SPEAK IS PRETTY REMARKABLE
BUT HEY MAN IT’S WORTH A SHOT
and Wu K’ung is like you know what
you’re right
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On the whole . . . I think I will not be doing Yaoi-con this year. (And be fair. I have been attending it for several years now.) Possibly next year I will feel differently.

Also, I need more energy. And brains. And time. And everything else. Where are diabolical contracts when you really want them?

---

branes, sai molesworth two.

this is the sad tale of how st custards hold out against marauding zombie horde. many noble skoolboys (and some masters too) die in heroic defense of halowd skool, etcetera. my own brother molesworth two has becom zombie and now wanders around skool grounds looking for branes.

this is because he never had any himself, i tell peason.

peason, who is still my grate frend even tho the zombies have eaten his nose, sai no, it is because he has been infected by evil zombie virus. (they sai on internet that zombie virus has been invented in america because that is where they make zombies and superheroes, but they also sai on internet that little ponies will save the world, so boo chiz to internet.)

you must end his suffering, peason sai.

i would, i sai, but i do not have a shotgun.

at this point fotherington-tomas enter. hello clouds hello sky hello zombies, sai fotherington-tomas. then he pull out boomstik.

can i borrow your boomstik, i sai.

molesworth, sai fotherington-tomas, i greve for your pane, but all bulets must be rationed and molesworth two is only one zombie. also you kno that i have sworn to save the last bulet for myself.

fotherington-tomas is still utterly weedy and wet. any real man kno that kattannas are beter against zombies anyhow. grabber win mrs joyful prize for rafia work and zombie decapitashun using a kattanna in both each hand.

then grimes enter baring kane. all boys to me, he cri. the zombies have breached the mane gate...

-- Skool of the Dead, definitely not by Willans and Searle, though with all due homage to them
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Ronald Searle's obituary in the Economist. As delivered by Nigel Molesworth.

http://www.economist.com/node/21542712

Molesworth sa on the contry the most beatiful form in art is a Ronald Searle GURL from St Trinian’s in a tunick with black suspenders and armed with a hockey stick to beat the daylites out of another gurl or maybe just a teacher chortle chortle. Mr Searle sa he hav based her on his sister Olive. She hav wild platts and an empty gin bottle in her pocket a sack of poysinous todestools two sticks of dynamite and possibly a hippo on a lede while an old crone alias a teacher sa from a window Elspeth put that back AT ONCE. Or she will be sharpening a massiv knife on a grinder with grusome heads of gurls on a shelf behind and the headmistres will be telling the surprized parent this is Rachel, our head gurl, ha ha ha. We offer every attention to your prescious chicks including drunken orgeys wiches sabbaths every form of the subjunctive in fr. or lat. and coffin-making for a modest charge.

[...]

And speking of Life, sa silently the long black undertaker in his tall black hat sitting by the grave, I do not think much of that as a titel for a magazine, why not Dethe, but Dethe where is thy sting, where Grave thy victory cry Molesworth (over the WHACK of the Kane), when everbode still kepe larffing at the world Mr Searle hav made.




An awesome tribute.
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I blame Friday afternoon for this one. And for the bad puns.


MY LITTLE CRIMINAL MIND

This team works for the PBI (Pony Bureau of Investigation).

Cherry Garcia: a Unicorn whose less-than-legal past is far distant, and who was certainly never involved in any sort of collaboration with the great and powerful Trixie. Now serves as main researcher for the team.

Hutchner: the Team Leader. An Earth Pony from a family of rabbit-breeders and lawyers, which may account for his expressive eyebrows and dry sense of humour.

Jay Jay: a Pegasus who serves as “overflyer” to the team, supervising communications and working with the local authorities.

Morgan: a Pegasus, previously in the Royal Guard. His glossy chocolate flanks are much admired by connoisseurs, and he is an expert at kicking down doors. Or anything else.

Prentice: an Earth Pony, new to the team but apparently an all-round expert agent. Rumours about some sort of past history with Interpony on an anti-Everfree taskforce are currently unsubstantiated.

Read: an even more studious than usual Unicorn, although his mane is less than stylish.

Russet: an Earth Pony. Reliable, stubborn, persistent, expert hostage negotiator. Believed to have relations near Ponyville who keep him supplied with cookery ingredients.


(PS: and yes, for reference, I have read a certain MLP fanfiction, or at least skimmed it, though I didn't imagine this team involved in it. And I have no idea how a fanfic with this team in it would work. I just couldn't resist the image once I had it.)

crime meme

Nov. 13th, 2008 01:42 pm
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If you were to spot me being hauled off in a police car, what would you suspect was my "crime"?

Post your reply here as a comment here, then echo this question on your LJ to find out what folks think of you.
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Today I was reminded why most of the current versions of Batman have something to be said for them.

You see, I turned on the television and came face to face (so to speak) with the Adam West version. It was an episode which had Tallulah Bankhead as the villain of the piece, the Black Widow.

It also had a police radio description of Batman at one point. "Six foot tall, wearing purple trunks and a black bat-symbol."

And then there was the bit where he gives himself and Robin an electric shock while caught in a spider-web to kill the (unconvincing plastic) giant spiders crawling over them.

Why, yes, I did watch the entire episode. Why do you ask?

---

Robin: [After the Black Widow has hypnotized Batman] Batman, I need you to sing a song! That way I can free you from the Black Widow's evil thrall!
Batman: Very well, Robin. I think a little Gilbert & Sullivan... [Picks up flower] I'm called Little... Buttercup... Poor Little... Buttercup... Though I could... never tell... why...

(For the truly morbid, more quotes from the tv series at http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Batman_%28TV_series%29.)
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A meme from everwhere : List three stories you think I will never ever write, and I will attempt to write a snippet of one of them.

(Just don't expect long snippets.)
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Got this off [livejournal.com profile] gamera_spinning, who got it off [livejournal.com profile] everflame.

Wikihistory, by Desmond Warzel.
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Sent round to my colleagues at work. Will make less sense to those who are not my work colleagues and clinical coders.

A Modest Proposal )
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Boss: Is everyone eating chocolate?
Coworker A: Well, I've got a banana and I'm using my imagination.
Coworker B: As the actress said to the bishop.
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Invent a memory of me and post it in the comments. It can be anything you want, so long as it's something that's never happened. Then, of course, post this to your journal and see what people would like to remember of you, only the universe failed to cooperate in making it happen so they had to make it up instead.

(taken from daegaer)
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If nibbling nipples is a thing of joy,
The sex equivalent of nuclear fission,
Then tell me, why such utter shock when boy
Bares female nipple on live television?
(Perhaps I'm far too English here; when papers
Give us Page Three Girls topless every day,
We've less hot interest in having vapours
At what is only one newsstand away.)

Now Nipplegate has blasted all our eyes
With shocking sight of pastie-covered breast,
All those concerned must face the tragic plight
Of working out where blame must come to rest.
Poor virtuous broadcasters, whimpering --
They had no notion women had such things!

---

It is an established maxim and moral that he who makes an assertion without knowing whether it is true or false is guilty of falsehood, and the accidental truth of the assertion does not justify or excuse him. -- Abraham Lincoln, chiding the editor of a Springfield, IL newspaper

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