sword use obligatory

[incandescens]

This one is for solaas:


It was a week after the whole Remake The Universe debacle, and the Homura-tachi was scanning the Situations Vacant columns in the paper. To be more precise, Shien was scanning them, Zenon was brooding, and Homura was brooding with extra style.

"I don't know what the point is," Homura said, breaking the silence. "It just won't be the same."

"How about this one?" Shien offered, having learned the hard way that simply arguing with his lord and master would be a dismal failure and involve at least half an hour's mournful we-should-just-have-slaughtered-everyone-in-the-first-place monologue, punctuated by the occasional oh-for-the-jade-fine-body-of-Konzen-Douji lament. "Wanted, superbly powerful beings for investigation of attempts to create new universe. Contact Brand of Amber. Family members need not apply."

Homura waved a dismissive hand. "Just like all the others. It'll end in tears. I know it."

"Mm." Shien ran a finger down the column. "Delivery Agents and Freelance Mercenaries wanted for restructuring of reality; contact Brains Trust, Babylon City, Mugenjou . . ."

Homura stared into the middle distance. "Small-scale penny-ante stuff."

"Yeah," Zenon agreed. "Once you get hired as a mercenary on that sort of scale, you're stuck with it. Minion-grade for the rest of your life."

Shien suppressed a comment of no doubt you'd know in the interests of avoiding violence, and turned over the page. He frowned. "This one might have more potential."

Homura sighed.

"Do you know better than your so-called superiors? Do you deserve to occupy God's place and stand alone above the sky? If so, we want you," Shien read aloud. "We have positions at all levels, from sacrificial minions to would-be world-conquerors merely using us and ultimately intending to betray us. Sword use obligatory."

Homura lifted his head. "Read that bit again."

"Sword use obligatory," Shien read obediently.

"I'm not convinced," Zenon commented, wandering over to read over Shien's shoulder. "Sounds too good to be true."

"Complete body modification and unspecified mutations optional," Shien read further, "though may be required if you wish to rise in our organisation. Currently in process of vigorous expansion after structured and decisive break from parent company. We offer an environment where you can claim the position you deserve and remake the world the way you know it ought to be. Contact Aizen Sousuke for on-the-job assessment and evaluation. Bring your sword."

"I like the sound of that," Homura said thoughtfully. "Sincere. Straightforward. Sword-involving."

Shien and Zenon exchanged a glance which, despite being blind on one side and one-eyed on the other, managed to convey a high degree of opinion.

"Anything else?" Homura inquired.

"Just the usual job terms," Shien reported. "Salary, death benefits, sword size in inches -- the usual."

"Contact them," Homura directed briskly, rising to his feet. "There may be some potential there." He swept out of the hall with a parting mutter of, "That'll show Konzen Douji . . ."

Comments

[solaas.livejournal.com]

It's fortunate that I have ears, because otherwise my grin would go all the way round... ^__________________________^

Family members need not apply indeed! =D

I'm especially tickled by Shien's thoughts on the rants he'd get from Homura, and how he evades violence from his friend partner co-worker. Clever, wise Shien. I'm sure he also already suspects that Aizen is likely to screw them over like woah. =D

[incandescens]

Thank you very much. ;)

And bear in mind that Shien, like Tousen, has the ultimate anti-Aizen weapon . . .

[archangelbeth]

*CACKLE*

...can I bet on Homura, just a little?

[incandescens]

For massive property destruction? Sure!

[summer-queen.livejournal.com]

*cackles*

Homura in Aizen's hands would be quite the weapon....

Just don't let Homura and Byakuya get to brooding together.

[incandescens]

"I'm afraid the battlefield has shut down due to a mass brood under cherry blossoms over tragically lost loves," Gin reported.

"D*mn!" Aizen swore. "Release the flying monkeys."

[solaas.livejournal.com]

*falls over laughing* The concept of Homura and Buyakuya getting together for a broodfest is extremely frightening. Between them, they can angst harder than an entire lj-comm full of 15-year-old, faux-depressed fangirls. ^_^

...but would S. White let Aizen borrow her flying monkeys?

[summer-queen.livejournal.com]

*snickers*

Battle called on account of emo taicho!

[incandescens]

(snerks)

[incandescens]

S White would probably charge. And add interest, too. :)

"Tell me about your sister, Byakuya. Is she a sweet, fragile, sincere young woman?"

[bravecows.livejournal.com]

FLYING MONKEYS ♥

If Aizen has flying monkeys I am so going over to his side.

[incandescens]

I'm sure he can make you an excellent employment offer involving flying monkeys.

[rheow.livejournal.com]

This is so beautifully funny. They obviously never had Career Day in Heaven--Homura may have benefitted from it.

[incandescens]

Konzen was the sort of person who went to Career Day and picked up lots of brochures about jobs in the bureaucracy. Homura was sitting in the cellar in chains. :)

[rheow.livejournal.com]

Awww, Homura always got the short end of the stick.

[petronia.livejournal.com]

Ehehehehe. XD

[incandescens]

(grins)

[annotated_em]

Pointed here by solaas.

My coworkers are giving me funny looks for laughing myself to tears. ^_____^

[incandescens]

Sorry about that. ;)

[annotated_em]

Don't be. They don't have nearly enough fear of the Em in their hearts yet. ^___^

[naanima.livejournal.com]

Your brain is delicious and crack-filled, and I want Zenon to meet the 11th Division! (MWAHAHAHAHABWAHAHAHA!)

As said above, Homura and Byakuya together is a brood waiting to happen, and I kept on thinking about Eva and the Angel's AT-Field except we can call it the ANGST-Field... and the crack about sword sizes made me giggle, and of course the crack about GB was so worth it.

See me use my TRUE LOVE! ICON!

[incandescens]

Thank you. :)

And let's not forget Shien and Tousen either bonding or disliking each other intensely . . .

[lebateleur.livejournal.com]

This was the funniest thing I've read in ages. 'Sword-involving' just about killed me. (And I do like how you've preserved Homura's um, admirable sense of purpose.)

I've always thought Renji and Zenon would be best friends; still, the mind shies away from the collateral angsting a Homura/Byakuya alliance would inspire.

[incandescens]

Delighted that you liked it. :)

Indeed, the probable collateral angsting would be . . . something appalling.