It's funny. Even with a kid, a paid-off house, nearly four decades under my belt, and a career of two decades, I kind of feel the same way you do. It's just me in this head with greying hair (okay, sometimes purple, blue, or green hair, depending on how I want to 'hide' the white). I don't feel 'real', yet, either. Especially with writing, since I've only been published in gaming books and not even under my name. Hee. Okay, not counting the masters thesis, which is mouldering, hard bound, in the UW library.
It's just me. Not polished, glamorous. I still don't know how to 'dress' or use makeup or 'fit in' with any kind of 'in crowd'.
I do, however, know more about what I truly want. That's quite a change. When I finished undergraduate school, I decided I'd never take money or help from my parents again, for reasons that are entirely my own. I needed that independence from them, and have had it, free and clear for quite a while. Until, of course, Jet was born, and now I have to contact them and negotiate with them as they are his grandparents. I think... for my son, I finally found out that I could face up to those adults of my childhood and be myself, completely, and communicate with them what I needed for them to do. That may be the only time I've really felt like an adult.
I like how Jet thinks. I enjoy playing with him every day. I do know that I'm growing with Jet, but I don't think of it as 'growing up'. Parenting, these days, is very, very different than the parenting my parents gave me, and that surprised and delighted me a great deal.
Anyway... just a thought. It's not ridiculously common, just more common than most people let on, I think.
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2002-11-18 10:02 am (UTC)It's just me. Not polished, glamorous. I still don't know how to 'dress' or use makeup or 'fit in' with any kind of 'in crowd'.
I do, however, know more about what I truly want. That's quite a change. When I finished undergraduate school, I decided I'd never take money or help from my parents again, for reasons that are entirely my own. I needed that independence from them, and have had it, free and clear for quite a while. Until, of course, Jet was born, and now I have to contact them and negotiate with them as they are his grandparents. I think... for my son, I finally found out that I could face up to those adults of my childhood and be myself, completely, and communicate with them what I needed for them to do. That may be the only time I've really felt like an adult.
I like how Jet thinks. I enjoy playing with him every day. I do know that I'm growing with Jet, but I don't think of it as 'growing up'. Parenting, these days, is very, very different than the parenting my parents gave me, and that surprised and delighted me a great deal.
Anyway... just a thought. It's not ridiculously common, just more common than most people let on, I think.